【往期回顾】

【本期内容】

An unpleasant journey

一次不愉快的经历

It is hard to live so far away from my parents. I miss them. I wish we lived closer. When I go to visit them, it is a five- to six-hour drive diagonally across Pennsylvania. I wish it didn’t take so long. I’ve never wished that harder than this weekend, driving home.

住在离父母这么远的地方很难。我想念他们。我希望我们住得更近一点。当我去拜访他们时，要花五到六个小时的车程斜穿过宾夕法尼亚州。我希望不要花那么长时间。我从来没有比这个周末更希望开车回家了。

Just a half-hour into a five-hour ride, and my daughter, who had an unfortunate stomach bug that seems to be going around the area, projectile vomited all over the truck. In true Linda Blair-style, she was just a head rotation away from us calling a young and an old priest. She hadn’t eaten much all day, but somehow, for someone so small, with so little of an appetite, she had a lot to get up.

在五个小时的车程刚过半小时，我的女儿不幸患上了肠胃病，这个病似乎正在该地区四处传播。她喷得卡车上到处都是。她就像琳达·布莱尔（《驱魔人》女主演）一样，头晕目眩，在我们身后大呼小叫。她一整天都没怎么吃东西，但不知怎么的，对于一个年龄这么小、胃口这么小的人来说，她却吐起来没完了。

It all happened in what seemed like slow motion to me. I heard a gag. I whirled my head around, and watched in pure horror as she repeatedly tossed her cookies. She seemed to aim center-car, spewing onto coats, my purse, my work bag, the blankets … anything within striking distance. My driving husband slowed to the nearest shoulder and pulled over, throwing on the hazard lights. The smell was already too much to bear. He threw open the back hatch and grabbed a pair of pajamas from the previous night out of her bag. He stripped, in the bitter cold wind, a screaming 4-year-old and put her into clean clothes.

对我来说，这一切发生得就像是慢动作回放一样。我听到了作呕声。我转过头去，惊恐地看着她不断地呕出饼干。她好像对准了汽车的中部，吐到了外套、钱包、工作包、毯子上……任何在呕吐范围内的东西上。我在开车的丈夫把车速降下来，开到到最近的路肩上，停了下来，打开了双闪灯。车内的气味已经太难闻了。他打开后备箱，从她的包里掏出一条前一天晚上穿的睡衣。他在刺骨的寒风中脱光了一个尖叫的4岁女孩的衣服，给她换上了干净的衣服。

Something real fun about our ride to see my parents, what makes it so thrilling each and every time, is that you are mostly driving though the middle of no where. We had to track back a few miles to the last “town” with a grocery store. I held a bawling baby girl, while he dashed in for supplies. I used baby wipes to scrub her down: hair, face, hands… it was just everywhere.

我们开车去看望我的父母，真正有趣的是，每次都是如此刺激，因为你大部分时间都开在非常偏僻的地方。我们不得不往回开几英里，来到最近的一个有杂货店的“小镇”。我抱着一个哭闹的小女孩，他冲进店里买东西。我用婴儿湿巾给她擦洗：头发、脸、手……到处都是。

Meanwhile, my husband dumped out the cars seat, scrubbing it with upholstery wipes. It was pooled in the cup holders. It was soaked into the carpet. He filled trash bags with most any belongings that would fit. We didn’t want to smell THAT smell the entire ride that still remained. After scrubbing what he could, my husband proceeded to Febreeze anything left in the vehicle. (God bless you, oh makers of Extra Strength Febreeze.) If my son hadn’t moved, he’d have been hosed down along with the seats.

与此同时，我丈夫清理了汽车座椅，用车用湿巾擦洗。杯架里满是呕吐物，甚至都浸透到地毯里了。他在垃圾袋里装满了大部分能装的东西。我们不想在剩余的整个车程里都闻到仍然残留的那种味道。好不容易擦洗完后，我丈夫开始给车里剩下的东西喷洒Febreeze汽车香氛。（上帝保佑你，哦，超强去味的Febreeze香氛产商。）如果我儿子没有及时闪躲开，他会和座位一起被冲洗一遍的。

I should note that on my list of bodily fluids that I cannot handle cleaning up (yes, they are all on there), puke is second only to blood. Instead of passing out, I’m generally inclined to join the puking. It makes me super sick to my own stomach, and I’m glad that some fresh air and a screaming child kept me semi-distracted or she wouldn’t have been alone in losing her lunch.

我应该注意的是，在我无法清理的体液清单上（是的，它们到处都是），呕吐物仅次于血液。我一般都会跟着一起吐，而不是昏过去。这让我感到非常恶心，我很高兴有新鲜空气和一个尖叫的孩子让我分心，否则她就不会是唯一一个失去午餐的人。

One scrub down later, and we were back on the road. We hadn’t gotten up the same hill we’d turned around on when toss number two came. This time, as soon as I heard the gag, I jumped into action with a plastic bag. It all thankfully landed in said bag, and was promptly tossed out the window. (Yes, for the first time in my life I littered.) And, I apologize Crying Indian, but there was no way this Montco Mommy was holding a bag of vomit until the nearest rest stop. Three bags-out-the-window later and we were safely home, with one very sick and tired little girl and a not-so-fresh truck.

擦洗完后，我们又回到了路上。我们还没有爬上我们之前开过的那座山时，第二次呕吐又来了。这一次，我一听到作呕声，就马上拿起一个塑料袋。谢天谢地，这次都吐在了我拿的袋子里，且马上就被扔出了窗外。（是的，这是我有生以来第一次乱扔垃圾。）我向“哭泣的印第安人”（意指艾恩·艾斯·科迪，他被描绘成一个为美国猖獗的乱扔垃圾问题流泪的美洲原住民）道歉，但在到达最近的休息区之前，我这位蒙哥马利妈妈（作者在此以玩笑的口吻称自己为Montco Mommy，是基于2023年4月发生在宾夕法尼亚州蒙哥马利县Montgomery County的母亲勒死自己儿子的一级谋杀案）不可能一直拿着一袋呕吐物。从车窗扔出了三个袋子后，我们安全地到家了，带着一个吐得很厉害、有累坏了的小女孩和一辆不太新鲜的卡车。

Someday, we will look back on all of this and laugh hysterically. My daughter probably won’t recall it at all. For the three others of us, I doubt we’ll be able to drive through Ridgeway again without remembering.

总有一天，我们会回想这一切，狂笑不止。我女儿可能一点也不记得了，但对于剩下的我们三个人来说，我怀疑当我们再次开车穿过瑞吉威时，不可能不想起那天的情景。

【Source】www.patch.com

【Translated by】Spark Liao (廖怀宝)

【Illustration】From Bing