于我而言，念英国文学时最大的乐趣之一，就是钻研文豪们如何不带脏字地损人。有时候我们老师课前热身也会让大家变着戏法地弄情景小作文，而优雅损人/怼人就是题目之一。每每到了损人的小作业交卷，大家都要把自己写的念出来，教室里便一片欢腾，似乎人类的最大限度的创造力总需要小恶魔来激活呢。
说到英国文学届怼人天才，除了莎士比亚恐怕就是王尔德了。写出快乐王子的病娇少爷王尔德，骂人画面感十足且丝毫不给台阶下。虽然不带脏字，但是他巧妙地情景呈现能保证听话人知道自己被骂，但是又不知如何回怼。今天就给大家盘点一下王尔德的怼人名句/范本，以后遇到杠精就可以杠ta个杠上开花。
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.（只要让英国人学会如何说话，让爱尔兰人学会如何听话，这社会将文明很多。）出处：An Ideal Husband, Mrs. Cheveley to Lord Goring, Act 3.这句话是《理想丈夫》Cheveley夫人的台词之一。作为一名勒索者，Cheveley夫人简直就是王尔德的化身，很多人虽然不满她的狡猾狠辣，但是也不得不佩服她看问题通透。
这一句出自第三幕，情景是Cheveley太太用勒索的手段跟Goring勋爵谈婚事（当然Goring也不是个省油灯）。接下来的一段对话，更是把她的硬核性格呈现到了极致：
mrs. cheveley：And so, on the morning of the day you marry me, I will give you Robert Chiltern’s letter. That is my offer. I will give it to you now, if you promise to marry me.（在我们结婚的那天早上，我会给你Robert Chiltern的信（犯罪证物），你看如何？你要是许诺娶我，我现在就把它给你。）lord goring：Now?（现在？）mrs. cheveley：[Smiling.] To-morrow.【笑】（还是明天吧。）lord goring：Are you really serious?（你是认真的吗？）mrs. cheveley：Yes, quite serious.（相当的。）lord goring. I should make you a very bad husband.（我可会是个坏丈夫呢。）mrs. cheveley. I don’t mind bad husbands. I have had two. They amused me immensely.（我无所谓。我的两个前夫也不是好东西，不过至少挺逗比的。）lord goring：You mean that you amused yourself immensely, don’t you?（你其实是自娱自乐吧？）mrs. cheveley：What do you know about my married life?（关于我的婚姻你又了解多少呢？）lord goring：Nothing: but I can read it like a book.（不了解，不过我可以当成一本书来研究研究。）mrs. cheveley：What book?（啥样的书呢？）lord goring：[Rising.] The Book of Numbers.【起身】（数字之数。）mrs. cheveley：Do you think it is quite charming of you to be so rude to a woman in your own house?（在自家对一个女人这么粗鲁，你还感觉很好是吧？）lord goring：In the case of very fascinating women, sex is a challenge, not a defence.（一个女人足够迷人的话，上床就不是自卫，而是挑战。）mrs. cheveley. I suppose that is meant for a compliment. My dear Arthur, women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the two sexes.（就当你夸我了，我亲爱的亚瑟（Goring的名字），不过你可别指望女人和男人一样，听到赞美就卸下防备。这就是男女之别。）
The English mind is always in a rage. The intellect of the race is wasted in the sordid and stupid quarrels of second-rate politicians or third-rate theologians.（英国人总在暴怒。这个种族的智慧全被二流政治家和三流神棍浪费在卑鄙愚蠢的互怼上了。）出处：The Critic as Artist
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.（文学和新闻的区别在于后者没法看，前者没人看。）出处：The Critic as Artist
She can talk brilliantly upon any subject, provided that she knows nothing about it.（她只能对自己一无所知的话题侃侃而谈。）出处：The American Invasion
In America, the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.（在美国，天真的年轻人甘心被长辈白嫖。）出处：The American Invasion
When good Americans die they go to Paris. And when bad Americans die, they go to America.（善良的美国人死后去巴黎，邪恶的美国人死后回美国。）出处：A Woman of No Importance, Act 1.
She is like most artists; she is all style without any sincerity.（她就跟大部分艺术家一样，有格调没诚意。）出处：The Nightingale and the Rose
当然，除了嘴贱，王尔德也有不少大实话和鸡汤系列。比如：With freedom, flowers, books, and the moon, who could not be perfectly happy?（有了自由，鲜花，书籍和月亮，谁还能不开心呢？）出处：De Profundis
Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.（死亡应该是非常美丽的：躺在软软的泥土里，青草拂过额头，倾听寂静，没有过去，没有将来，忘记时间，宽恕生命，获得安宁。）出处：The Canterville Ghost
Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.（如今，万事万物明码标价，却没人知道它们的价值。）出处：The Picture of Dorian Gray
When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.（当一个人恋爱了，就开始自欺欺人，这就是所谓的浪漫。）出处：The Picture of Dorian Gray
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.（生命诚可贵，活得轻松点。）出处：Lady Windermere's Fan
The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.（善有善报，恶有恶报，虚构小说都这么写。）出处：The Importance of Being Earnest
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.（我实在是太聪明了，有时候我自己都不知道自己在说啥。）出处：The Happy Prince and Other Stories
